Light the Way
by DenizenofTwilight
Summary: "We'd all get through the dark places that fate decided to throw at us. And we'd always thank Irina for that, for she had seemed to light the way." My entry for the Twicon 2009 Post-Breaking Dawn contest. The deadline was 5/30/2009.


**Light the Way**

I sighed in frustration. I couldn't fathom how Alice had convinced Renesmee to cut her beautiful curls. I'd always loved them; they made her look so beautiful. "Renesmee, are you sure you want to cut your hair? I don't want to effect your decision, but you've stopped aging, and it might affect the growth."

Renesmee smiled at me in the mirror, "I'm sure, Mom. I've had this hair for one hundred years! I need something new."

At her consent, I tried to be open-minded. She was right. She'd never truly cut her hair, only had annual trimmings. My attempt wasn't being very successful.

A sense of acceptance hit me. I didn't even have to look back at Jasper to confirm my suspicions that it was due to him.

I heard a slight growl from Alice. "Bella, if I had known you would go this crazy over her hair, then I would have cut it a long time ago! Now stop making your daughter anxious, and let me work my magic."

I felt myself unjustly glare at Jasper. Edward had told me he sometimes felt like Alice and Jasper could read each other's minds. I _knew_ that Alice sensed my unease because of Jasper's attempts to calm me. Therefore, it was sort of his fault that I'd just been yelled at by her.

He sent me an apologetic look and mouthed the words 'I'm sorry.' All my anger vanished. I just couldn't stay mad; we'd become too close. I gave him a reassuring smile, letting him know we were okay. I beamed at the thought of just _how_ close we'd become. My happiness still seemed to pull him towards me, and my scent no longer being an issue just made things easier. I couldn't stay mad at Alice, either; she'd been my best friend and sister since the beginning. She'd supported me through _everything_, and I owed her for it. Even after many merciless shopping trips, I knew it didn't scratch the surface of the debt I owed her. "Alice, I'm sorry," I said.

Her smile glistened in the mirror. "That's alright, Bella. It's nothing a trip to the mall won't fix." I was about to protest, but she did before I could. "No, I'll just take Nessie. If you go, I see a hideous tie-dye shirt in your future."

It was in that moment I felt Edward, who had been rubbing circles on my hand to calm me, had suddenly stopped doing so. He instantly was my only thought. He was being too quiet.

"What are you thinking?" I asked him intently. I couldn't even find humor in that it was usually _him_ that asked _me_ that.

His eyes met mine, and I forgot to breathe. After all of this time he could still dazzle me. He smiled my favorite crooked smile, and my heart seemed to melt. "Just thinking how beautiful you'd look with short hair." His hands ran up and down my arms, and the front of my mind just wanted to rip his clothes off and run back to our room. The more rational part realized he was lying. I knew him better now. With each new thing learned, I gained a new layer of love for him. He was the most interesting, perfect being in the world.

I held back my primal instincts, determined to find out his secret. "Renée kept my hair short throughout most of my childhood. She only let me grow it out when she was certain _I_ could take care of it. Not that I blame her; curly hair _is_ hard to manage. Maybe that's why I hate the thought of me, or Renesmee, having it short." I was getting better at talking about my parents. It hadn't been easy since their deaths, but I was managing. I mostly felt bad for Renesmee. I knew she missed her grandpa a lot, and the grandma she'd never met.

Edward chuckled slightly at what I'd said, but no light touched his eyes. I was about to say something when I felt his lips touch the top of my head. All rational thought left again. I kissed the right side of his neck, and his breathing faltered for change.

Alice's singsong voice broke us apart. "Done! And she is a beauty, if I do say so myself."

Renesmee looked in the mirror, smiling. Her hair was just past her shoulders now, and seemed to be even curlier. She _did_ look gorgeous. I smiled at Alice in appreciation. Nessie instantly jumped down from her chair and hugged her aunt tightly.

"Beautiful," Jasper said in agreement.

"You are perfection, my little Ness." Edward smiled warmly at our daughter. At hearing his voice, my thoughts were instantly on him and his strange behavior again.

"I hope so; Tanya's been wanting me to cut my hair. Let's just hope she likes it tomorrow." At Nessie's words, the atmosphere in the room dramatically changed to one of somewhat despair, remembering just why we _were_ seeing the Denali Coven tomorrow. It was the centennial anniversary of Irina's death. Renesmee smiled apologetically for not thinking before speaking. I planned to tell her not to feel guilty, but before I could, I felt Edward's eyes on me again.

We were all broken out of our stupor when Esme appeared outside of the room. "I just thought I'd tell you that Jacob's back. He should be up here in a few seconds, so if you want to surprise him Nessie, do so now."

Nessie quickly hid under Alice's bed, and in that same moment Esme came and put her arm around my shoulder. "My dearest Bella, are you alright? You look sad."

I leaned into Esme's embrace and couldn't help thinking about how like my mom she was. They were both so insightful. I would always love them both, but in this moment my thoughts were solely on Esme. She was always in the background, but no one could love each of us as much as she did. She truly was my mother in every way.

Before I could answer her query, Jacob walked through the door. As soon as he did, Nessie jumped up from under the bed, ran behind Jacob, jumped atop his back, and screamed, "SURPRISE!" into his ear. After a second, he recovered from the shock enough to turn his head around and see Renesmee's hair. He pulled her off his back and set her on the ground before hugging her.

"You look beautiful."

Renesmee smiled contendly and in a quick moment, it seemed their mouths were cemented to each other. I heard a growl erupt from Edward, and I instantly looked over to Alice. For I knew Edward's reaction was because of what Alice, and therefore Edward, was seeing. Her eyes were distant and I felt that some of my worst fears were coming true.

"Alice, what did you see?" I couldn't keep the terror from my voice. Ever since Jake and Nessie had gotten together, I'd feared a repeat of what had happened when Edward and I had had Nessie. The last thing we wanted was the Volturi coming after _their_ child. This time there'd be no similar child to save us. I hated every fiber of my being for wishing Renesmee would never get pregnant. It was so unfair! She _hadn't_ gotten pregnant yet, but no one was positive that she couldn't.

I was brought back to the present by Alice's wind chime laughter. "Nessie, if you don't stop that you'll catch his cold."

Relief coursed through me instantly. _That_ was what it was, no impending doom. Edward was only concerned for his daughter's health. With that, the two broke apart, looking embarrassed -- for forgetting their places, or Jacob's illness, I wasn't sure. It had shocked us all when Nessie had revealed to us that her husband was sick. We'd always thought since he was stronger than a human, and climate controlled, that he couldn't _become_ ill. Needless to say, Carlisle had thrown himself into research the past two days, trying to understand it. It seemed that the cold was almost gone. I had no doubt that by tomorrow Jake would be at one hundred percent again.

"Alice, have you seen anything from… from the Volturi?" Even being a strong immortal, the name sent a shiver of fear through my body. They were, after all, the only thing that could ever split us all up now.

Alice noted my anxiety and answered me in a heartbeat. "No, they're as boring and sadistic as ever. We haven't concerned them for months now."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Damn, I wanted another chance to scare them away."

I rolled my eyes at Jake; he could be such a child! We'd gotten lucky last time; as far as I was concerned, it'd be best to ignore them for the rest of eternity.

Renesmee mirrored my thoughts and lightly hit him on the chest. This wasn't an easy subject for her either. And tomorrow was the one hundred year anniversary of the event; it made me nervous. What if they decided to come back abruptly? Alice couldn't see quick decisions.

Jacob read the turmoil on my face the same moment Edward and Esme did. Both of their holds tightened on me.

"I'm sorry, Bells," Jake said. "I know what a touchy subject this is. Especially right now. I'm sorry, Nessie," he then echoed to her.

"It's okay, Jake," I promised. "I learned a long time ago not to expect seriousness from you." We both smiled at that. The smile spread across his entire face. I still couldn't imagine Jacob without it. He'd always be my best friend, my best man. My Jacob. Well, technically Renesmee's Jacob. Over the years, I'd also loved my daughter more than I thought possible. With that, Edward and I had learned that we had to let her make her own decisions and mistakes. We had to let her discover things for herself, so we'd finally learned to accept her and Jacob's relationship.

"Oh, I think Carlisle's back from the hospital. I'll be back in a few moments." Esme's voice brought me back to the present; I'd rudely never answered her question. I wanted to kick myself.

In that same moment, a familiar _whoosh_ once again sounded someone's entrance, and Emmett and Rosalie were instantly standing beside Jasper. When I was human, I might have blushed at the thought of what they were doing before their arrival, but I expected it now.

"Ness, I found that dolphin hairpin you were looking for that Tanya gave you." As Rose spoke, she stepped forward and placed the pendant by Nessie's ear. "There, _now_ you are perfect." At that, she turned around and gave me a smile that I returned. I couldn't help but feel a sense of déjà vu; the smile was so much like the one she'd given me the first time she'd held Renesmee. The last one hundred years had definitely given me a more natural love for my gorgeous sister. She'd helped Nessie see this world. We'd had our issues in the past, but us being on the same side in that one instance had fixed them. I'd always owe her and love her, and now I was fortunately getting the chance to _really_ know her. I couldn't help but feel somehow undeserving of this.

Emmett's booming laughter instantly filled the already noisy and crowded room. He draped one arm across my shoulder and practically screamed in my ear. "What are you _thinking_ about, sis?"

"Just reflecting, some," I answered simply. I still sometimes marveled at how close _we_ now were. Especially since when I'd first seen him, he was the Cullen that scared me the most, but he really was a giant teddy bear. Over the many years, my love for my big bro had grown immensely. I also felt pleased that I'd actually learned to be able to effectively joke with him. He was still the king, though. I knew that if I were still human, many of his escapades would still have me blushing redder than a tomato.

"What is with you and Eddie today?" he asked somewhat curiously, somewhat fearfully.

I felt Edward grow somewhat rigid against me. If it was due to the nickname or Emmett's acknowledgment that there was something wrong with him, I wasn't sure. Part of me felt somewhat irrationally guilty that we had ruined for everyone what _could_ have been a great day, but most of my mind was concentrated on Edward's and my anxiety. He continued to trace invisible designs on the back of my hand. Suddenly it seemed like tomorrow would get here too soon, and not fast enough.

***

"Irina, we always considered you part of the family, and we all miss you greatly. It's times like these, though, that I'm grateful for the good times we all had together. You were an amazing person, Irina. I can't wait to see you again."

We'd all been standing by Irina's grave for an unfathomable amount of time now. Tanya's family had already given their sentiments. Still, none of it had seemed real until Carlisle had spoken.

He, like Esme, really was my father in so many ways. He always had a way of keeping us all in one piece when things were bad, to be our foundation when we couldn't stand on our own. To be the hope we all needed to be dominant in our lives. He was the first one to show any of us love, and that's why we all loved _him_. I had never doubted that we had souls, but even if I had, I wouldn't have been able to after hearing Carlisle's words. How could we never see Irina again? The idea seemed ludicrous.

"Bella, love, it's our turn to say something. Are you ready?"

I shook my head into Edward's chest. Though Carlisle had just proven that this was in fact happening, I still wasn't ready for it to be so.

All too soon there was only Edward and I standing there. Everyone else had vanished; no doubt giving me the privacy I needed to let this go. But how could I? I was the one responsible for her death. "I'm sorry," I finally said. "I wish you were here and not me. If the wolves hadn't killed Laurent trying to protect me… if I could have explained to you about Nessie that day in the forest… it's _my_ fault you're dead. You were part of this family first. I shouldn't have taken you away from it."

In my tearless sobbing, I barely registered Edward's hand on my shoulder. It was probably the only thing keeping me grounded. "Bella, it's not your fault or anyone else's. Fate just happened. There was nothing that could have been done. I've known you were feeling this way all week, and believe me when I say I'm seeing this clearly and you're not."

"How can you say that, Edward?" I snapped. "If you had killed me that first day in Biology, she'd still be here, and no one would be feeling this pain. _I'm_ the one seeing it clearly."

"Bella, do you regret Renesmee?"

I restrained myself from gasping. How could I ever regret my little miracle that I'd fought so hard to let be a part of this world? "Of course not," I said, unmoving.

"I remember the first thing you told me when I wanted to abort Renesmee. You told me that we couldn't, that she was special, that she was going to change the world. And you were _right_, but _you're_ just as special. Without you, Renesmee would have never existed. Irina's sacrifice was something that was needed for the two of you to be here. It led us to the place we all are today. It was an unfortunate one, yes, but one that was needed. The world no longer needed her. It needed _you_ two. You may not be able to see it, but I can see the beauty and changes you girls have already made. It was meant to be, Bella. You were meant to be here no matter what had to be changed as a result. Can you see that at all?"

For a moment I could, the Renesmee part, anyway. I knew without a doubt what a necessity she was to the world. I also knew he'd argue if I said it was _only_ her. So I instead said, "Yes."

With that, we joined hands and began to leave this painful place. I knew there were aspects of this that we would never agree on, and it was a sad thing, but I knew without Edward, everything else in the world lost its meaning, and I knew he felt the same about me. We'd all get through the dark places that fate decided to throw at us. And we'd always thank Irina for that, for she had seemed to light the way.

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**Author's Note: **This was originally a lot longer than it is now. LOL. I had to seriously cut it down to be in the three thousand words or less limit. One of my biggest regrets is that I had to cut Jake and Nessie's back-story (my story on here entitled _Tomorrow's Aurora_ is actually sort of a companion piece to this, so check it out if you're interested, it's a Jacob and Renesmee story), and the words each of the Cullens spoke at Irina's grave. I hope you all still enjoyed it though.^^ One other thing I'm sort of concerned about too is the Renesmee/ Nessie thing. In Breaking Dawn Bella _hates_ the name Nessie. Until the end that is, she starts to accept it then. So I didn't know if Bella would refer to her as Renesmee, Nessie, or both. Feel free to tell me your thoughts. May the light guide you all.


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